Monthly Archive for November, 2009

More Evil Laughs

Published on November 20, 2009 in Wacky Humor. 0 Comments

Well.. I got so obsessed with my own poor jokes that I dug them out from old tweets and FB status messages.. so here’s more…

1.
SS: Why didn’t you come to the Halloween party?
Me: I was there.
SS: Oh really, what costume?
Me: The Invisible Man

2.
Me (after the MAITRI Diwali night): The name MAITRI (NCSU Indian Grad Student Assoc.) makes sense. By charging $3 for the party, they are making me part with MY THREE dollars.

3.
(Not exactly what transpired, but this version is better)
My mom: Kiran bought a car. That’s huge!!!
Me: You mean, like a Limo?

4.
Obama snatched the Nobel Prize from me.. Now I’m gonna try for the No-Whistle prize.

5.
MB: The Harry Potter 3D scenes were not actually shot in IMAX. They were digitally enhanced.
Me: Digitally enhanced? That reminds me of Pamela Anderson. Silicon is a part of anything digital, and she did some “enhancement” with Silicon.

6.
 FB status: I saw her. I felt that the force was strong with that one. It indeed was! Now I have five fingers engraved on my cheek! God! I should stop watching Star Wars!

7.
 Me: I see two hot chicks in front of KFC, and the first thought that comes to my mind is “Oh boy! They are in a dangerous neighborhood”

8.
Me: What if a house stands right through a timezone border in US? Will half of the house be 1 hour ahead of the other half?

9.
FB Status: Facebook suggested “Wed at 12:24 pm”. I thought, “Okay. Do I at least get to know who I’m gonna wed?” Then I realized it meant Wednesday!

10.
Me: I was wondering…. Saas sans saans is just a dead mother-in-law.

Muhahahah!

Published on November 19, 2009 in Wacky Humor. 5 Comments

I think I have a sense of humour. It’s just that some people call it good and some people call it bad.
Sometimes I crack the lamest of jokes (Yes I know!) but you should give me some credit, because I have had the history of humiliating other self-proclaimed PJs by simply dominating over them (whenever I’m on a roll, that is).

So, just for the record.. just to prove that my jokes are actually good.. just to make you regret calling me a bad joker.. here’s a mashup of bad jokes, good jokes, puns and (as some people call it) being a jerk, which I cracked out of spontaneity, and can now recall.
I am so sorry folks, but you unleashed this onto yourselves. You called me bad.

Note: Some names have been changed for anonymity, or because I had no idea who that was.

ARN: Kate is hot. But I think Megan is hotter.
Me: Yeah… Megan is like Kate in an oven.

DAG: I just had 2 shots of Vodka and I got high.
PS: What? It is not called “getting high”. You don’t get high on drinking alcohol.
Me: Yes you will. If you are on the second floor while drinking, you are about 10 feet high above the ground.

Me: Why do we have smelling feet and running nose? Shouldn’t it be the other way around?

Me: There are two types of Bengalis in the world – Sen’s and Non-Sen’s

Me: I think the Danish people actually immigrated from West Bengal.
ARN: Why? (Making an expression of regret that he prompted, the very next second)
Me: Because everyone’s name ends with a Sen in Denmark.

Me: Women make men complete! On second thought, Raymonds suit also does!

Malayalam
———
Ge: ഞാന്‍ പിന്നിട്ട വഴികളിലേക്ക് തിരിഞ്ഞു നോക്കുമ്പോള്‍…
Me: നിന്നോട് ആരാടാ വഴിയില്‍ pin ഇടാന്‍ പറഞ്ഞത്? അത് ആരുടെയെങ്കിലും കാലില്‍ തറചാലോ?

That’s all I can remember now. I hope some of you enjoyed them, but my real satisfaction will come when some of you bang your head against the wall out of frustration. This list will grow in future.

Deepak needs

Published on November 9, 2009 in Tagged. 1 Comment

Back after a long time.. Unfortunately, I think this trend will continue till I graduate.

This one is an interesting tag. All you have to do is google for “<first_name> needs”, where you replace <first_name> with your first name, and list out 10 interesting and sensible sentences from the results that you get. Also add your commentary with each sentence, so that we know what your thoughts are about Google’s thoughts.

1. Deepak needs a girl
– Haha.. Some of my friends keep telling me this. But I can find one myself, thank you very much. I just don’t have time right now.

2. Deepak needs to comes to terms with the fact that he cannot dispassionately evaluate the hearts of conservatives or their paradigm [of] life.
– Although I don’t approve of the conservative theology, I wonder… Did I offend some conservatives recently? (BTW, This entire sentence did come up in the Google result! Do you think I’m capable of making up stuff like this? Okay.. well. I am, but I haven’t. )

3. Deepak needs to get his damn facts straight.
– Yeah right!

4. Deepak needs a good sponsorship deal.
– I wouldn’t say no to that!

5. Deepak needs to buy a biology book.
– For what? I already know all “important” stuff.

6. Deepak needs to stick to speaking which he does well.
– Opinions differ on my speaking ability.

7. Deepak needs to know that people love reality but that too in a fiction like manner.
– Hey. Don’t I do that already? Don’t I add bountiful amounts of bells and whistles (a.k.a masala in Indian circles) to all my stories.

8. Deepak needs to go. Now.
– The only result which makes some sense!

9. Deepak needs to take a bow.
– What about arrows then? A bow is useless without arrows.

10. Deepak needs no introduction at all.
– Hear! Hear!

The following people are tagged:

  • Rinchen Dorjee – Wake up, dear senior! (Although I don’t deserve to say this when I’m asleep myself!)
  • Rahul – Serious guy. But lets see if he has a funny side, and time to kill.
  • Kandy – Just to see if he gets 10 results at all with his uncommon name.
  • Lakshmi – Friend, GTalk comrade, and chatterbox.