I find it difficult to conform and follow rules or to cope with discipline. When the going gets really tough, I don’t get going. Instead I may try to flee down river and hide amongst the vast schools of fish swimming lazily around. However I’m not weak-willed enough to indulge in alcohol and drugs to escape. Alternatively, I pour out my emotions in creative arts. I put my emotions in music, short stories, idiotic writeups, or ridiculous ramblings, but never poetry, because I can’t write poetry if you hang me upside down over a lake full of crocodiles.

I seldom open up to those around me on a personal basis. Although I might be impractical and somewhat uneasy with the real world, I’m brave and prefer a lot of independence. I like to delve in spiritual matters and I’m fascinated by the occult, especially the connections it has with Quantum concepts like entanglement and teleportation. I tend to think that I’m psychic, because my dreams can be strange and portentous. I always remember one thing even if I get amnesia and forget everything else: I am the culmination of all that has gone before, I’m the symbol of death and eternity, I am the distillation of all the other signs. I am the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be. Yet I’m not Bret “The Hitman” Hart.

I nicked it from Astroyogi and added liberal amounts of masala to it.

1.
SS: Why didn’t you come to the Halloween party?
Me: I was there.
SS: Oh really, what costume?
Me: The Invisible Man

2.
Me (after the MAITRI Diwali night): The name MAITRI (NCSU Indian Grad Student Assoc.) makes sense. By charging $3 for the party, they are making me part with MY THREE dollars.

3.
(Not exactly what transpired, but this version is better)
My mom: Kiran bought a car. That’s huge!!!
Me: You mean, like a Limo?

4.
Obama snatched the Nobel Prize from me.. Now I’m gonna try for the No-Whistle prize.

5.
MB: The Harry Potter 3D scenes were not actually shot in IMAX. They were digitally enhanced.
Me: Digitally enhanced? That reminds me of Pamela Anderson. Silicon is a part of anything digital, and she did some “enhancement” with Silicon.

6.
FB status: I saw her. I felt that the force was strong with that one. It indeed was! Now I have five fingers engraved on my cheek! God! I should stop watching Star Wars!

7.
Me: I see two hot chicks in front of KFC, and the first thought that comes to my mind is “Oh boy! They are in a dangerous neighborhood”

8.
Me: What if a house stands right through a timezone border in US? Will half of the house be 1 hour ahead of the other half?

9.
FB Status: Facebook suggested “Wed at 12:24 pm”. I thought, “Okay. Do I at least get to know who I’m gonna wed?” Then I realized it meant Wednesday!

10.
Me: I was wondering…. Saas sans saans is just a dead mother-in-law.

So, just for the record.. just to prove that my jokes are actually good.. just to make you regret calling me a bad joker.. here’s a mashup of bad jokes, good jokes, puns and (as some people call it) being a jerk, which I cracked out of spontaneity, and can now recall.
I am so sorry folks, but you unleashed this onto yourselves. You called me bad.

Note: Some names have been changed for anonymity, or because I had no idea who that was.

ARN: Kate is hot. But I think Megan is hotter.
Me: Yeah… Megan is like Kate in an oven.

DAG: I just had 2 shots of Vodka and I got high.
PS: What? It is not called “getting high”. You don’t get high on drinking alcohol.
Me: Yes you will. If you are on the second floor while drinking, you are about 10 feet high above the ground.

Me: Why do we have smelling feet and running nose? Shouldn’t it be the other way around?

Me: There are two types of Bengalis in the world – Sen’s and Non-Sen’s

Me: I think the Danish people actually immigrated from West Bengal.
ARN: Why? (Making an expression of regret that he prompted, the very next second)
Me: Because everyone’s name ends with a Sen in Denmark.

Me: Women make men complete! On second thought, Raymonds suit also does!

Malayalam
———
Ge: ഞാന്‍ പിന്നിട്ട വഴികളിലേക്ക് തിരിഞ്ഞു നോക്കുമ്പോള്‍…
Me: നിന്നോട് ആരാടാ വഴിയില്‍ pin ഇടാന്‍ പറഞ്ഞത്? അത് ആരുടെയെങ്കിലും കാലില്‍ തറചാലോ?

That’s all I can remember now. I hope some of you enjoyed them, but my real satisfaction will come when some of you bang your head against the wall out of frustration. This list will grow in future.

I got in and he started moving. He didn’t speak anything till we reached 100ft road. The looming silence instantly changed into ear-shattering din. I heard something like a gasp of relief coming from the driver.

He turned his head when we had stopped at a traffic signal and asked something like, “Kannada maathadubeka?” (Do you speak Kannada?)
I understood what he meant and replied, “Kannada gothilla” (I don’t know Kannada)
“Hindi?”
“Oh. Hindi is okay”
[ Rest of the conversation was in Hindi, mostly a monologue. Translated to English. Everything in italics is whatever I thought, but didn't say. ]
Driver: I almost escaped from that ghost today.
Me: What?
Driver: A ghost. She asked me for a ride. Said she will pay 200 rupees. Scared the shit out of me.
Me: *Oh really?*
Driver: She came in a car, said she wanted to go to ***** (I didn’t get the name of the place when he said it.) Offered to pay anything. These lady ghosts…once they enter our body, they will never leave us. Ask us all sorts of things. They won’t go until you die. You will be doomed.
Me: *Duh*
Driver: I just mustered enough courage to say No and get the hell out of there.
Me: Oh. Was that why you were driving so fast?
Driver: Obviously….She wanted to take me to a deserted place and possess me. After that, I would have no control over myself. I’ll lose my family and kids and will have to go after her. She won’t let me enjoy family life as I would have to satisfy her always.
Me: *[Evil grin]* You looked at my feet.
Driver: I was checking whether you were human; whether you had feet.
Me: Hehe. *Muhahahaha*
Driver: No sir, I was so freaked out. Really. In my village, we take special amulets and all from the priest. We are safe there. But there are no such safety precautions here in city.
Me: *All ghosts migrated to cities now. Yeah, I can see*
Driver: I think she was a Muslim ghost. That makes it even more difficult.
Me: Why so?
Driver: Because Hindu mantras won’t work on Muslim ghosts. You need Muslim mantras from Quran for those.
Me: *Boy! This is getting better and better*
Me: What did she look like? Was she wearing white saree?
Driver: I don’t know. She came in a car. Her hair was loose and wildly bushy. Her face was white.
Me: You mean fair skin?
Driver: No sir. It was white color. Like white paint was smeared. Only her eyes were brown.
Me: And she was driving a car.
Driver: Yes.

I suddenly remembered the ghost from the movie “The Ring”. Then the thought suddenly hit me squarely in my mind..like a 10-pin strike. It might just have been some ordinary lady who was careless enough to go out without removing her facial. The poor lady was mistaken for a ghost! Imagine her perplexed face when the driver had sped from her at breakneck speed!
Hell of a ghost story for me!!

We reached my destination. I checked the meter and gave him the money.
“One and a half meter charge, sir”
*Bloody hell! This guy had the nerves to ask for more money even in this condition.*
I argued, “What is the extra half for? Your ghost story?”

Here’s a snippet of one of my old posts. You’ll see the complete post here.

…The panda, as if reading my mind, started…

Why worry about the name of the dame,
When you still don’t know the name of the game,
You are lame coz you can’t take aim,
The guns, you can’t blame, it will be a big shame,
Why go after the dame who came,
When I am there, who’s so tame,
You’ll get it all the same,
And ‘t will be your claim to fame.

Then, without warning, he jumped on me. He clutched me tight however I tried to get rid of him. Even now he’s clutching me from my side. I say, “You’re not a Koala, you’re a Panda, Goddamnit!!”
Oh dear!!!

What happened to the quest of the stone??

Away went broken, the dame
And as she went, she proclaimed,
I will avenge you, O my flame!
The stone she found is now critically acclaimed!!
I lost the stone and the fame and the dame,
And I got an idiot who says he’s tame.

Technological progress has merely provided with more efficient means for going backwards.

Well! I don’t really know who this Aldous Huxley is. Being the literal person that I am, let me try to guess “literally” from the words of wisdom he has spoken above.

1. Aldous Huxley is a professor of an engineering school

I had this doubt from an incident which involved my going backwards (literally) due to some technology.

My regular seat in class was in the front row near the main door. Before you think otherwise, I was not a nerd. The front bench on the side row had many advantages. The lecturer would watch out for potential law-breakers only on the back benches. You are literally free to do anything noiseless in front seats. For instance, sleeping (you shouldn’t snore though!!), playing Hangman. Besides, I had a good view of outside. Another advantage was the chance of sneaking out of the class when the lecturer turns toward the board.

All was well until one fine day, my physics professor announced that he would be making use of the OHP (Over-head Projector) from that day. On the day it was brought, I was in a mood to listen to the class. But alas! my bench was too much to the side that I was not able to see the projection because of the reflection from the window. (Technically, Total Internal Reflection!!)
As a result of that, I had to shift my place. As there was no other seat upfront, I had to go to the back seat.

I believe that a similar incident might have occured in Huxley’s class and he might have uttered the great words on that occassion.
Wasn’t it a technologically advanced way of going backwards?

This theory is enforced by the fact that ALDOUS may be an abbreviation of A Laughable Dimwit Of an Undergraduate School

2. Aldous is a professional swimmer of the Australian Team

The year was 2000. The Olympics was around the corner. Then the Australians came up with a special suit which would cover your entire body from neck to ankle. It would provide better streamlining, they said. Their swimmers would be able to swim faster with that costume, they said.
Well, this guy Aldous was a backstroke swimmer. The day he swam for the first time with the costume, he broke his personal record. After climbing back, he might have uttered those words of wisdom.
Obviously, it was a technologically efficient way of going backwards (or swimming backwards)
I have an abbreviation for this theory too…
Australian Lad Dedicated for Outrageously Uber-Swimmer

3. Aldous is a brilliant but eccentric scientist

This theory suggests that Aldous invented a device which I call the third eye. He probably got the idea from The Matrix, because the third eye was a CCD lens coupled into your brain, which would directly communicate with your brain. So it would serve the purpose of an eye, hence the name.

He successfully did the surgical procedure in his own head because no one was ready to be a guinea pig. (How would any one, knowing that it was Aldous the eccentric at the other end??)
How it was done is a mystery.

Aldous was probably eccentric because he did some silly mistakes (which he didn’t consider mistakes, BTW) in the procedure. The first mistake was that he implanted the third eye on the back of his head a la The Matrix. The second one was that the third eye would become functional only if both his real eyes are closed, because he believed that the third eye is a substitute for the real eyes and should always work when the real eyes don’t work. (He probably didn’t know the difference between “always” and “only”)

Now the problem started occuring because Aldous had the habit of sleepwalking. So, after the procedure and he went for sleep, he started sleepwalking. But since his eyes were closed, his third eye became functional. And since it was in the back of his head, he started walking backwards, thinking that he was walking forward.

This is how technology provided him with a means of going backward.

Oh! I have an acronym ready for this too. This was said by his Linux-geek neighbor, who made a recursive acronym as usual, when he saw Aldous walking backwards outside his house and was nearing a puddle of water.
Aldous Look Down Otherwise U‘ll Slip

Note: Aldous Huxley is a famous writer and is consider a leader of modern thought. I know very well who Huxley is, and the above post is solely for entertainment. The quote was a real quote made by Huxley, but what followed was made up by yours truly.

He never knew about how annoying mosquitos could be until he visited Cochin. Of course, he had heard about the dreaded diseases like Malaria, but this experience was downright annoying… There was no other word for it.

The mosquitoes of Cochin were very smart. They knew how to live even in adverse situations. They had adapted to the growing threats that they faced. He realised that from the moment he landed in the bus station. He looked up, and saw a rain cloud in what otherwise was a clear blue sky. Rain cloud in the middle of summer? That was impossible. He looked up again. The cloud was nearing him. He suddenly was reminded of the artificially intelligent nanoparticles in Michael Crichton’s Prey. Then it happened. The cloud hit him like someone throwing several pebbles at him. He struggled and wiggled, but to no avail. The number of mosquitoes in that cloud would have exceeded the number of soldiers in the erstwhile Roman empire. He was enclosed in the cloud of mosquitoes until he reached near a garbage dump. Then they left him in search of a new victim. Talk about mosquitoes which hate garbage dumps. But as he recalled, the Cochin mosquitoes were different.

He finally reached his relative’s house. Inside he was feeling a bit suffocated and went towards the windows to open them.
NOOOOOOOO!!!!
Came the scream from everyone else in the house.
“Don’t open the windows unless you want to stay awake all night”

“What is it with the mosquitoes here? I’ve heard Cochin mosquitoes are unbearable; and had a first hand experience today too”
His relative started his epic monologue about Cochin mosquitoes…

Mosquitoes here are unique. They have adapted to the different condition here. They no longer travel in battalions; they travel in armies. There is nothing that can be done about it. In fact, the notoriety of these mosquitoes is so much that one can write a ballad.

Mosquitoes have given partial relief to the huge unemployment problem of the Cochin people. Nowadays people always will have one job — scratching their backs to get rid of that annoying itch caused by mosquito bites.
Even the tiger is afraid that it might be deprived of it’s National Animal status because of the mosquitoes.

Rashid, the lad who stays across the street had a nasty experience once. He was sleeping when he dreamt that he was checking his weight. His weight initially showed 70kg, then it came down, and down, and down until he was almost as light as a feather. Then he dreamt that he was flying; flying over the terrace. He was doing backstroke swimming in the air. Then somebody nipped him in his hand. He woke up, startled. But he was in for another shock when he realised that it was not a dream, he was indeed flying. A cloud of mosquitoes had lifted him over his bed, out through the balcony and all the way up to the terrace.

Chacko, our neighbor tried the latest Mortein mosquito repellent; the so called “Yama(God of death) of mosquitoes”. He plugged the repellent to the socket, only to hear a high-pitched, almost satirical comment from behind. “Thanks for the repellent, dude. We just love it’s smell.” The cloud was speaking!!!

So on went the epic until he fell asleep. It was then that the solitary skeeter came to disturb him. After sending in the army, was this the commando? Anyway, solitary mosquitoes seemed to be more annoying than the cloud. Just because they seemed to bite at places which were unreachable (by the hand), and at particularly difficult places to scratch, like the bare side of his feet. And they intimidated him with their pesky hum near his ears. They seemed to be very talented in evading his capture.

But he was not going to give up easily. After several minutes of grueling duel, he finally got a chance. The mosquito came and sat in his left arm. He waited until the mosquito burrowed it’s ugly snout to suck his blood. If that was done, he would get that extra time to kill it. He waited and waited, but the mosquito still seemed only to intimidate him. Finally, after what seemed to be an hour, it plunged it’s nose deep to sample his blood. Then he took his right hand and in a lightning fast move, slapped hard on his arm. Blood splattered. The mosquito was dead and was squashed beyond recognition.

He nonchalantly shoved off the dead mosquito from his arm. With a cruel satisfaction, he fell asleep again. He only hoped that Maneka Gandhi won’t sue him for the cold-blooded murder.

Note:
1. Thanks to Nadirsha, the parody singer for inspiring this post by one of his songs.
2. No mosquitoes were harmed in writing this post.

For non-mallus, this is a song from the third movie in a comedy trilogy where the heroes land in US for investigating a case. That they solved their cases only by goof ups and some luck, is another story. The song translates to “Are we in a dream? Or are we in heaven?”

Little did I know that I would end up with a truckload of trouble like the protagonists.

#1
On day 1, I went with my cousin to a Restaurant. After lunch, I asked the waiter, “I want the bill back after you swipe my card.”
He just stared at me like I was talking Greek.
My cousin then corrected, “He’s talking about the check.”
“Oh..Alright.”, said the waiter.

“What the hell is a check?”, I asked my cousin after the waiter was gone.
“It is called check in restaurants here. Bill in US means…”
“Currency Notes. Awww. Shit!”, my realisation was audible.

#2
As we were going out of the hotel, a group of people were also exiting ahead of us. The last person of that group held the door open for me. But I was so absentminded that I didn’t notice that and simply went out as if there was no door there at all.

He looked at me in a disgusted manner.

My cousin corrected me again. I should hold the door as I exit. That is the way to return the courtesy here.

#3
This one too was related with open doors. Some of you already know that I have trouble with doors.
This time I failed to keep the door open as I was going through. And there was a lady right behind me.
As soon as she came out, she shouted at me, “Heyyy! You slammed the door right on my nauuuuse!!!” (Spelling of nose changed deliberately to show how she uttered that!)
I thought, “WTF? She should be careful. It’s not my fault.”, but didn’t say anything. Not even a sorry.

#4
I came to know that people here are so possessive about their possessions through a funny incident. I had gone to my friend’s house and we were just having an “epilogue” chat near my car as I was leaving. I just leaned onto the adjacent car casually as I was talking. Some time later, a guy came with a dog on a leash and asked me courteously, “Please don’t lean onto that car.”

My friend told me that he was “most respectful”. She told me that people usually scream at you. You are not supposed to even touch other cars. People would think you are trying to steal it.

#5
Although this was not exactly a goof up, I’ll write this. This happened in the car park infront of a shopping mall. I was carelessly crossing the road around a corner when a car came from the corner and stopped just a foot away from me. (In Bangalore, you say “more than” a foot for the same situation). I jumped, but recovered and casually went ahead.
I saw the person driving the car keeping her hands on her forehead in horror. She got out of the car and nervously approached me. She was a pretty young lady.
“I’m very very sorry about this. I didn’t see you around the corner.”
“Not to worry. I’m alright.”, I said as if it was not a deal at all.
I saw her sweating with jitters. There’s nothing worse than hitting a pedestrian in US.
For another 2 minutes, she repeated “I’m really really sorry”, “Are you okay?” and “Are you sure?”, until she got on my nerves.

BTW, why do girls always say “really really” or, sometimes, “really really really” when they are apologizing?

“I’m alright, alright? I won’t make a fuss of this. Forget this and don’t worry. You are blocking other cars.”, I grinned as I said.

I think the “I’m alright, alright?” will be a classic quote.

And I got back a very pretty smile which many men would die for.
I wish I had been hit, then it would have had that “Back to the Future” (Or Five Point Someone) effect.

Looks like I always have some funny things going on in my life wherever I go.

Non-mallus, please don’t try to understand this. Because you won’t!!
What is left is to measure “How many kilometers are there from Washington to Miami beach”…
Kilometers and kilometers in these days of degenerating decency where….whatever!!!

I went to New Delhi to get my visa. All expenses were borne by my company. After finishing my day at the company, I went home, packed and had some light food. By that time, my car had come. At that time my cellphone rang.

“Sir, we are calling from Indian Airlines. We regret to say that your flight has been delayed by 30 minutes.”

I would bet that these Indian Airlines chaps would have the Guinness World Record for the highest number of regrets. I’ve never seen an IA flight departing on time.
You may be asking me why I took an Indian Airlines flight then.
Fate!!! (Didn’t get tickets in any other plane)

So I went to airport and waited, gaped at some Kingfisher airhostesses who were walking, pulling a strolley gracefully. Looked like the VIP ad. Somebody apparently thought that onlookers should be given a heavenly feeling when the airhostesses are around, because suddenly we were covered in thick white smoke. (Remember the old purana-based serials, where they always show heaven filled with knee-deep white smoke??)
Two foreigners who were sitting beside me were looking awestricken. They asked me what that was. I replied that it was a desperate attempt to ward off the mosquitoes. (That was one rare time when I didn’t lie)

Aboard the plane, I was again reminded of the Kingfisher airhostesses. There was an aged lady among the cabin crew. She reminded me of another “granny” of Doordarshan. There was a news reader in DD called Salma Sultan who was quite a granny, but always came with dyed hair and red lipstick which looked awful. I mean, there’s no problem with old ladies, but why do they dye their hair and put lipstick?

I’ve heard a joke about Air India (which is no better than Indian Airlines). Their punchline is “Warm and motherly affection”. By “warm”, they mean that the AC doesn’t work. By “motherly”, they mean that all the air hostesses are about your mother’s age.

I reached Delhi…Well, not exactly!
I reached the airspace above Delhi and was hovering there. The pilot kept going in circles for about half an hour above Delhi. Drat!

When we were about to land, they announced that the temperature outside was 35 degrees. I insctinctively looked at my watch. Was it 12 noon or 12 midnight? Then I realised it was Delhi and it was summer.

Finally, I got down. I found my driver. He took me to Maurya Sheraton. I got a nice room. But I couldn’t sleep. At the time of check-in, they had swiped my card for some five digit figure. Not that I had to pay that amount. But I felt guilty spending so much for a night’s stay.

I didn’t get a feel of the real Delhi until noon the next day. That was when I stepped out of the AC in the hotel. Hot is not the word. It was scorching.

I saw from my car that Delhi was good. Good roads and well-planned flyovers. I had read from some blog (I don’t remember) that Delhi looked ugly. I’ll have to disagree. It looks better than Bangalore at least. Maybe I hadn’t visited the uglier parts of the city. But whatever I saw was top class.

My interview was at 1230. I had to stand in the queue outside. I didn’t feel better until I got inside the airconditioned room. I got my visa without much difficulty. I didn’t have much time, so I couldn’t visit any place. I was unlucky.

I returned to hotel and had a good sleep for 1 hour.

As I was packing before checkout, another phonecall came.

“Sir, we are calling from Indian Airlines. We regret to say that your flight has been delayed by 1 hour.”

History repeats!

Bored with the intellectual routine of their engineering life, they decided to visit the outskirts of Banaras over the weekend. Their plan was to see the “Ramlila” – a kind of drama based on Ramayan.

On Saturday, they all got ready to travel. Ravi and George were packing their bags when Soham came and asked,

“Lokhan kothoi”

Ravi stared blankly at Soham while George mumbled, “There he goes again.”
That sounded like Bengali (they guessed from the lot of O’s) and by the tone of it, it looked like a question. But they didn’t understand what he had meant.

George said, “Talk in English, will you? How in the world do you expect us to understand every time you talk in Bengali?”
Soham said, “Oh…I asked where Lokhan……Lakshman is”
“#$%^!@. Talking to us in Bengali is worse enough for us. Do you have to change names also? Man. You’re impossible.”
Ravi said matter-of-factly, “So you call Lakshman as Lokhan…What do you call Lakshmi then? Lokhi?”
Soham sneered.

*

Soon they set off to their destination. That evening they watched Ramlila. It was a small stage in a large ground. The stage was “well lit” with a few tubelights but there was no microphone. There were quite a few people among the audience and all were watching so silently that you would hear a needle fall.
It was the scene where Hanuman and Raavan were talking before Lankadahan.
Raavan was saying one gargantuan dialogue about 100 words long.
Suddenly the lights went off. Power cut. All they could see now was the silhoutte of the actors in the pale moonlight.
Anyway, that didn’t stop Raavan as he went on with his talking.
Suddenly Hanuman interrupted,

“Ek minute roko” (Wait a minute)

Then he sprinted towards the side of the stage. When he came back, he was carrying a petromax light in his hands.
He casually told Raavan,

“Ab batao” (Go ahead now)

There was a moment of silence, then the four friends started chortling from the audience. They were laughing not because of the few sentences that came out of the blue into the drama, but because the naive villagers were still quiet, listening to every single word with intense devotion and thinking that whatever Hanuman did now too was a part of the script.

George gave a loud audible groan and laughed hysterically. The result of that chuckle – they were chucked out of the grounds and asked not to insult the Ramayana.

*

They were to stay for the night in the only house with a RCC ceiling in the village. That was the house of their friends’ uncle’s wife’s brother’s acquaintance or something like that. They were greeted rather curtly. The owner offered them a nice and plush bedroom. The bed room was the open terrace, which had no stairs. They had to climb to the terrace using a ladder. The terrace had no parapets, so it was a huge threat for George who usually would roll in his sleep and wake up in Delhi if he slept in Madras. Another good thing was the “mouth-watering” smell of the buffalo dung which was wafting around. The buffalo shed was just beside the ladder.

The owner told them there was a loo outside on the corner, in case they wanted to take a piss in the night.
They thanked the owner for the hospitality. (George murmured something which sounded like a pretty nasty swear word)

Ravi woke up after a few hours. He had no idea what time it was. He had to go to the loo. But he realised that it was going to be a Herculean task because he could not see anything. The moonlight was of no help. He went towards the side of the terrace and precariously stepped on where he thought the ladder was before.
He didn’t feel anything solid coming in contact with his feet. But before he could realise that the ladder was not there, it was too late, and he was on his way down. In the few seconds it would take to go down a height of 10 feet, an amazing number of thoughts passed through his mind. He visualised his friends carrying him to the hospital. He had a broken backbone, several compound fractures, a broken nose, a badly bruised face and loss of that heartthrob look.

Veering off topic, I’ve heard a nice PJ somewhat related to this.
Q. What is the difference between a person falling from the first floor and a person falling from the 10th floor?
A. For the first person, it’s THUD! AAAAHHH!
For the second person, it’s AAAAHHH! THUD!

He came back to the real world when he found that he had landed on something cushiony like a couch. Before he could thank God for that, he was in for another scare. A lazy snort coming from his behind and the swish of what felt like a tail. It suddenly dawned on him. That couch-like thing was the back of a buffalo. He had fallen on a buffalo, which, for reasons good or bad for him, was tied outside the shed.
He was totally freaked out that he didn’t move a muscle. A few seconds later, he realised that the buffalo too was not moving at all, in spite of something so heavy falling on its back. That day he realised the meaning of the popular Mallu phrase, “Pothu pole uranguka” (Sleeping like a buffalo).

By that time, the lights came on. The noise had woken everyone up. Ravi felt a jolt of pleasure when the owner too woke up.
When everyone came out to see what was the noise, he slowly got up from the back of the buffalo, gave a wink as if he had just pulled off a nice stunt and went to the toilet without much ado.