The Uplifting – Prologue

Published on August 9, 2009 in Silent Philosopher and Stories. 0 Comments

I opened my eyes. I was floating. I didn’t feel my body. It was so subtle. The world seemed so far away. Or was I even in the world?

I was rising. There was a bright light all around. It was the most beautiful Emerald green I had ever seen, which was interspersed with a bright Golden color. I slowed down to a halt. I saw a beautiful golden light flanked by several shapeless forms of various colors – 12 on each side.

“Who are you?”, I asked.
Why did I attribute a being to the light? Did I know more than I thought I knew?
As if that was true, replied the golden light, “Me? I am YOU”

“What are these?”, I asked pointing to the shapeless forms.
“They are ME. They are the 24 formless beings”, came the reply.
Why didn’t I attribute a being to the forms? Did I suddenly feel that I knew much more?

But as I watched, the formless beings started taking different human forms.
As if the golden light knew what my next question was, it said, “”It is your free will that is asking them to change their shapes.”
As I looked around the surreal setting not knowing whether to be awed or to be afraid, the golden light spoke.
“You never cease to have questions, do you? Do you know why?” I felt that the light was smiling teasingly.
“Why?”
“Because it is the most basic of human natures to be inquisitive.”

“Why am I here? What is this place?”
“This is what you 3rd dimensional beings call the universe.”
“Are you God?”
“If you say so.”
“What do you mean?”
“You can call me God just as well as you can call yourself God, because YOU are ME and I am YOU. I am your conscience. I am your consciousness.”
“You mean… I’m God? That is ridiculous!” The very idea was revolting. This was not the God I grew up learning about. Nor was this the God I had created in my imaginings.

Mysteries of the mundane

Published on August 3, 2009 in Silent Philosopher and Weird things. 5 Comments
  • Why do I feel lonely in a crowd?
  • Why does every doctor have a handwriting which looks like a 1-year old trying to get nasty with a pen and paper?
  • How is the pharmacist able to read the prescription of any doctor, while others can’t read even one?
  • Why do I get angry for little nothings?
  • Why do I choose to be a pacifist for big somethings?
  • Why do I torture myself mentally for a fault which is not mine?
  • Why is it that I want to talk to my mother when I wallow in self-pity?
  • Why is my mother the only person I know who can bring me back out of the vortex?
  • Is it a gift or a curse to be unable to hate anybody?
  • Why is the world so ruthless?
  • Why do I want to live in a wonderland, and not come to terms with the harsh realities?
  • Why do I have the feeling that I’m not doing what I am supposed to do?
  • Why, then, is this feeling so fickle?
  • How do I find enough topics to talk for 45 minutes every other day to my mom?
  • Is there a meaning in another dimension to my idiosyncrasies?
  • Who am I?

The freak of nature

Published on July 19, 2009 in Hallucinations and Life etc.. 2 Comments

There I was again, all by myself, out in the scorching sun. There was no one by my side. Of course, that was not new. I can’t remember a time when people actually understood me.

Few liked me, because I was not like most. I didn’t know all the intricately false formalities. I was the freak of nature. But was it so wrong to be like that? I asked, what is the relevance of pretense in social life? The same people who talked about “being yourself”, were so fake. I was just walking the talking. Was that so wrong?

I got no answer.

I craved social life. I just didn’t know how to get it. Did I need to change myself? Did I have to snatch friendliness from people? I didn’t know if I could.

Could people actually look past all these shells of pretense? I found out the answer the hard way. No one does initially. You have to condition them to look past the shells, and see the real you.

This is my internal struggle. I don’t know when I can win it. But if you read this, please know that there is more to freaks than meets the eye.

An overtly self-indulgent 100th post

Published on February 21, 2009 in General and Just Rambling. 9 Comments

Well. I didn’t even realise that I was at 99 posts before I was casually checking my WordPress Dashboard. So folks, this is officially my 100th post as a blogger.

*****Warning – Cliches ahead*****
It seems just like yesterday that I started blogging.

Looking back, I never thought I would write this much. Honestly, I discovered my writing skills only in the year 2000. Not that I have literary skills, but I hope I can make people laugh (or at least raise some eyebrows! Come on people! Give me a sign of life. Don’t desert me on this) through my writing.

I’m feeling really nostalgic about my blog, which is now something really close to my heart. So this post is just about that – nostalgia and retrospection. It will also serve as a compendium of my best posts till now, for those who came in late.

Genesis

I stumbled upon the phenomenon called blogging quite by accident. I created an account in Blogger.com in September 2004, which was my first blog. I believe the first name I gave it was “Deepak’s Pensieve”. The description or “tagline” was a rather lengthy and stupid one which I really don’t remember. All I remember were the last lines which went something like “I’m gonna take you on a rollercoaster”. Yeah right! As if a childish blog which would evoke only one reaction from readers – “Ewww!” – would earn you a free ticket to Six Flags. Likewise, many of my initial posts were borderlining on stupidity, because I honestly had no idea what blogging really was.

I was in training at Infosys, Pune during that time. My friend Harini (We call each other PCP – for “PC Partner”, because we had to share a PC during training.) had a better and more mature blog, and that’s where I learnt what to write in a blog and what not! Anyway, I got an idea, but I didn’t develop that there, because I didn’t have a PC at home, and I didn’t want to spend time blogging when I was at work. So my blog remained dormant till early next year. Well.. Not really, because I used to write something stupid every 2 months or so.

The Rise

My blog really gained momentum when I was on bench for a month after I put down my papers in Infosys in 2005.  I had to come to office, but I really had nothing to do. So I started blogging again. I realised that my writing skills were improving with each post; that was a motivation to go ahead. Somewhere along the line, I changed the name to “The Pensieve”. I also experimented with modifying the looks of my blog a lot, and my experiments later led to a more successful, but really shortlived technical blog called Blogger Hacked.

Once I was back in Bangalore, I bought a computer, so I could blog from the comfort of home, because I still didn’t want to blog from office. It has been a dream run since then. I never could believe that I could write this much. A huge increase in my readership came after I wrote this rather wacky Ghost Story.

As time passed, I thought I needed more control over the look of my blog. The answer for that was WordPress. I had earned enough money through Google Adsense too (from my other blog) So I decided to buy a personal domain, and migrate my blog to WordPress. So Pensieve 2.0 was born. I messed up the supposedly grand opening of my blog on New Year by changing the name and getting confused, but readers stood by the original name “The Pensieve”, so I made it “Pensieve 2.0″. After the initial hiccup, everything went fine. The credit for the tagline goes to KP, who has been my rival in studies and friend in everything else since 1996. Also I deleted some really old posts which are so stupid that I feel like pulling my tongue. Wait a minute! My tongue is already long as it is! I talk too much and I can touch my nose with my tongue. (Gross, you may think, but I bet that not many of you can do that.) So statement taken back; I don’t want to stretch it further by pulling it.

100 and still young

I have mostly stuck to humor and dreaming in my posts, with occassional ramblings of seriousness, but the general verdict has been that I’m not capable of profound thoughts. I have a lot of “lurkers” among my friends – those who haven’t commented even once, because they are intimidated by the literary genius of my posts, but have pleasantly surprised me when they talk about it to me in person. I urge you to comment. It might be a bit overwhelming because it’s me, but don’t worry… I’ll go easy on you. Besides, there’s no fun for me in it without knowing your reactions.

My blogging frequency has decreased a bit, and so has the humor in it, I suspect. That is simply because I barely get time to wander through the dreamlands that create my stories. But I already have a very tight bond with my blog, and I will not let go.

Thank you, my dear readers. You ROCK!!

I will now list some of my post which I think were my best. Please read them if you haven’t.

Fiction

  1. Achluophobia – Two stories among a trilogy of Ghost stories. The one which made me a teensy bit famous.
  2. Banaras – A story of 4 students and their misadventures. Adapted from real life incidents of my uncle when he was studying in BHU.
  3. Executed – The one which I consider my best till date. Satire about the mosquitoes of Cochin.
  4. Aldous Who? – A slightly modified version of the story which confirmed that my winning Creative Writing in Debutante 2000 was not a mistake. I won this in some other Culfest, I guess.

Life etc.

  1. I live… – I consider this as my first humorous post.
  2. The Weirdest Nightmare – This singular dream shattered all my myths about my own weirdness. Can’t put it inside fiction, because I really dreamed even the tiniest detail of what’s written in this.
  3. American Goofups and Woes Reloaded – “Wherever you are, I am there”, trouble keeps telling me this.
  4. Delusions of Grandeur – Something serious.

Memoirs

  1. The best days of my life – Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 – A four part series, about my first year in NIT Calicut.
  2. Chronicles of two pranksters – My and my brother’s childhood, told from a third person perspective.
  3. One evening in Pune – Funny account of first day in Pune with Naru.
  4. Risible antics of the First – One thing I’m good at – making fun of myself.

A tag to end it

  1. Weird things about weirdness – Random weird facts about me.

V Day or I Day?

Published on February 14, 2009 in I miss India, Just Rambling and Life etc.. 4 Comments

Feb 14th.

No chocolate for guessing what is so significant about this date.

But I bet you would have guessed it wrong about the significance of today w.r.t. me (with respect to. Anyone remember calculus?)

Instead of getting a date, I got a phone call… from my parents. And they wished me Happy Birthday! A birthday that even I came to know of, only after the call. Before you get all confused, today is my birthday according to Indian Calendar. And because I don’t have an Indian Calendar here in US, I didn’t know earlier. Oh, I just love being Indian. You can have two birthdays per year!

Anyway, it came as a pleasant surprise, because I had absolutely no plans for today. Now I can celebrate, and not look like an ass slacking on Valentine’s day.

Also, I called my brother, and I talked to him like I talk to my mom – for 45 minutes. The only difference was that we talked about some subjects, which I never dare talk to my mom. It spanned topics like my theory about his craze for Telugu movies (His secret Telugu Girlfriend! Not so secret any more!), about our parents’ trip to Mettupalayam today, how to survive in the cutthroat world of office, my plans for Valentine’s day, his plans, and of course, Ram Sene.

  1. My brother didn’t know that my parents were going to Mettupalayam today. When he asked me why, I said in my usual fashion, that they were going to Black Thunder themepark to rediscover their childhood. He replied back with an impromptu punchline, “Paada Parambil keri Golf kalikkalle Mone Dineshaa” (Don’t play Golf in barren land. To understand what he meant, read this post, section 6.1)
  2. I told him how to proactively cut the throat of those who are planning to cut your throat. You can even mention that during your appraisal, as an example of how proactive you are.
  3. My plans for V-Day – Eat, study, sleep.
  4. His plans for V-Day – Eat, work, sleep when the manager is not around.
  5. My brother told me about Ram Sene’s threat that they will forcibly marry off any couple they see on roads. He was talking about how the mob was a bunch of sexually frustrated losers who wanted an excuse to grope girls. I couldn’t help but crack this joke that there may be gays in Ram Sene, so boys are not safe either. (I am sorry if this is insensitive, but this is how I will show my protest, because I can’t do anything about it from US)

So, because today is my birthday, I’m gonna celebrate it by ordering a pizza and the delicious Chocolate Breadsticks from Pizza Hut.

PS: I generally don’t talk about my Indian birthday outside, because it is strictly for family. But today was too much of a coincidence!

PPS: On an entirely different note, an important event occured yesterday, which will never occur again. At 6:31pm, the UNIX timestamp struck the value of 1234567890. But the trouble-seeker that I am, I accidentally slept across the iconic moment, and incurred the wrath of all UNIX enthusiasts.

Anger Management

Published on February 7, 2009 in Life etc. and Weird things. 5 Comments

How often do you keep your cool when some stranger hits in your head with a rolled booklet? Have you ever had such experience at all? I did! A couple of days back! And I totally kept my cool!

This happened at the career fair. After standing in long queues, I got tired and came back to the lobby to have a seat. Ahh. The plush comfort of the couch! What can be more satisfying than having a coke in a couch? Apparently, checking my email was ! So I took my iPod touch out and started reading email.

Suddenly someone hit me on my head. I was startled for a moment. I quickly looked up to see which of my pestering friends it was, but to my further surprise, it was a total stranger. She froze for a moment. I had a temptation to shout “Someone call 911. I’m being attacked!” in typical Deepak-style. But I thought there were way too many people there, and someone might panic.

Anyway, after the moment of shock sunk in, the lady started apologizing to me. Apparently, the top view of my head looked like that of someone she knew. I was looking down as I was reading email, so my face apparently was not that visible. The only thing I felt about the whole “mishap” was amusement. Now, that was interesting. Because, had this happened 5 years back, I would have been real angry… even if it was a stranger.

There used to be a time when I used to get angry very easily. I used to scare away a great deal of people, who thought that I was not worthy of their friendship because I was rude. But only I knew that I was not rude. It was just… I would get angry very fast.  But as if to counter that shortcoming, I never ever held a grudge against anyone. I would forget that in a matter of hours.

I have become better and better at curbing my anger, since my undergraduate days, and although I haven’t rooted it out yet, I can be happy that the last time I got angry at anyone was several months ago. There have been three key people who have helped me get better at controlling my rage.

Deepu Chandran, who has been a great friend of mine, even after I did this to him. He has advised me a great deal on the need to remain calm, and how to do it.

My father, who I consider an epitome of calmness. I have never seen him get angry in his life. (Although he acts like he is angry sometimes, for example, when he doesn’t get food on time, he is a really bad actor.)

Thirdly, my mother, who is a good example that you can control your anger if you try hard. Recalling my childhood days, I remember that she used to be really short tempered. But nowadays, I would say she can give my dad a run for his money. She once said that one important thing in keeping your anger at bay was to not attach yourself to anything materialistic.

I have understood through the course of time how important is it to prevent yourself from getting angry. Anger, as I know it, doesn’t help in anything productive. It only lengthens the distance between two people. It doesn’t ease your tension. It doesn’t free your mind. It is an unnecessary and potentially dangerous vestige of human nature. I strive to be free of anger all the time.

Looking at this incident, I’m sure I have improved a lot. I was initially apprehensive about whether I was just not showing my anger because it was a stranger or because it was a girl. But I asked myself, if I was angry inside, about the incident, and the answer was “Not at all!”

Tidbits from the wee hours of 2009

Published on January 1, 2009 in Just Rambling and Life etc.. 6 Comments

Snippets of the last two weeks in Roseville, CA!

  • Heard the same old repetitive jokes from my uncle. Plus a few PJs too.
  • Made my aunt the scapegoat for most of my jokes. I still haven’t stopped joking about her driving. Curiously, she was silent whenever I made fun of her.
  • Apart from that, I was subject to the usual blah-blah of my aunt almost every day.
  • Managed to embarrass myself when asked to crack a PJ. Neeraja and Arun came for dinner, and my cousin told them that I say worse PJs than my uncle (which is not actually correct). Then Neeraja asked me to crack a PJ, and I completely chickened out when I was put in the spotlight. PJs are meant to come out spontaneously and naturally. Neeraja called me “Dubakoor” (which only Tamilians will understand), and I grinned sheepishly.
  • Missed Teena and Sathiq again. I was planning to take a train to Santa Clara and meet them. But they have gone to India.
  • Drove through the Sierra Nevada, and saw real snow on the ground. It was unbelievably bright.. almost blinding. And I had forgotten to take my sunglasses. We had to turn back because my cousin started feeling altitude sickness. I was more than happy, nevertheless, because all I wanted was to see snow.
  • Learned to play Golf finally. But I think I’m not that good in Golf. Anyway, I’m gonna practise once I reach university.
  • 2 lunches, 1 dinner. Got to meet a lot of new people.
  • I got confirmation that I’m bloody brilliant. I won’t tell you the context. It would be showing off.
  • My habit of having new hobbies and getting bored of them easily continued. I got bored of changing my blog theme, and created a half-boiled one.
  • Saw “Slumdog Millionaire” twice (once in a theater). It is an awesome movie (Except for a scene which was gross).

A new look

Published on December 11, 2008 in General. 8 Comments

I have temporarily changed the theme of my blog after upgrading it to 2.7. The old one was too crude, and I have been planning to design a new one for quite some time now.

I realize that I have been missing my blog by ignoring it these days. I plan to correct myself. I am in the middle of creating a new look for my blog, and hopefully new content too. :)

It snowed!

Published on November 19, 2008 in Life etc., Tagged and Weird things. 7 Comments

It seemed a normal enough day today, when I went out to the bus stop just outside my apartment to catch the “Greek Village” bus to my work. It was 12.30pm. The temperature was around 40 F(5 C) when I last checked.

I went out. It was really colder compared to yesterday. I had to wear my gloves to save my palms from getting numb. There was the familiar and boring whoosh sound as cars and trucks sped by.

Then it suddenly turned into a dreamland. A hint of something white! What looked like tiny cotton pieces falling from thin air! It was snowing!

This was the first snowfall I have witnessed in my life; I was beaming, and I could keep my composure well within limits, although I did that Bill Murray-ish strut, which was a visible indication that I was so excited. I have never been happier in several months. So I just decided to share my happiness with my poor blog, which I have been neglecting since I started my grad studies.

I couldn’t take a video of this historic moment, but history will repeat itself, so I’ll take a video and post it the next time it snows.

Now, I have a tag from the one and only Miladysa – a tag called Random & Weirdly Meme. It is a bit weird that I keep getting tags about weird things everytime, but everyone is allowed to be weird once or twice, so it is not really weird to be weird.

The rule is to share 7 facts about yourself – some random, some weird.

#1 – I saw snow for the first time in my life today. (What else were you expecting as first fact?)

#2 – One of my favorite hobbies while in school was inventing nicknames with my cousin to bully my younger brother. I can remember about 20 different names from the top of my head now, but I’m sure there were more. My favorite one must be NKVKMKM, which had a very interesting full form. I won’t disclose it here.

#3 – I used to steal buttermilk from the refrigerator as a kid. The habit hasn’t died till date. Even today, I prefer drinking buttermilk when nobody’s watching.

#4 – I scored an almost high 28 on an online Asperger Syndrome test, but I don’t believe it.

#5 – I am really (unbelievably) bad at Cricket. I can’t play well, and I don’t follow cricket.

#6 – I’ve been using the same wrist watch for 11 years now. And I don’t even like it.

#7 – Weekends in Raleigh are boring because I don’t have a car, and there’s no public transit on weekends.

Now tagging 7 people is the part I don’t like. So I tag everyone who reads this. :P

Light and Sound

Published on October 29, 2008 in I miss India and Just Rambling. 13 Comments

This Diwali was very different for me. This was the first Diwali in my life where I haven’t burst crackers or lighted sparklers. Heck, I didn’t even see any fireworks anywhere.

These are the few things you miss when you are away from your country. All the festivities, all the fun. Sure there are special days here, but I just can’t connect with those. To me, Halloween is always associated with Harry Potter. I didn’t even know what “Trick or Treat” meant till a year back.

Makes me miss India much much more. I just hope I finish my studies as soon as I can and return India.

So, my Diwali was spent in calling all close friends and relatives and wishing them. I miss those fireworks. Unlike most others, I just used to love the noise and din early in the morning. I remember showing off different dangerous tricks with the firecrackers. I used to light them up in hand and throw them just in time to burst them in air. My brother used to be awed at this stunt as a kid. My mom always tried to stop me from doing that; even my dad used to try and dissuade me. But I would sneak out and do it nevertheless.

I used to think that my dad himself was afraid of crackers. I prefer using an agarbathi to light those. My dad used to roll a newspaper into a footlong roll and light the crackers using it from a safe distance. I realised that the elders are wiser rather than cowardly, from a really nasty incident. I was, as usual, trying to show off to my brother and his friends by throwing a cracker. Unfortunately for me, it lit up really fast, faster than my reflex. It burst in my hands. This was when I was in 9th standard. My entire left palm got burnt. Thankfully they were only minor burns. My mom didn’t let me go near any fireworks for an entire year

Another great delight were the diyas. Watching all those vivid designs in each house was a real treat. I miss those moments of sheer joy.

Some of the people raise concern over the air and sound pollution caused by all the firework. All I can say is that I am (and everyone else) entitled to one day of pure, unadulterated disregard of peace and quiet per year. I’m sure I more than make up for the rest of the year.

In other news, Raleigh is getting colder by the day. I have to wear thermals and a jacket whenever I step out, because I’m not at all used to this cold weather. Heck, even my face turns numb after sometime. Luckily, I’m so much of a chatterbox that I exercise my lips and mouth constantly and prevent them from getting numb. Plus, I wrote this post in 15 minutes, so please excuse any crude language.

Oh.. And Happy Diwali and Happy Halloween to all of you.